Illustration: Melinda Beavers

This is clearly the fetish of a privileged showgoer, but—can I just tell you what’s hot? Bands that set up quickly and start playing when they’re supposed to. Anyone who goes to rock clubs will tell you: Waiting for the next band is the most soul-crushing experience of your life (and no, I do not want another beer). You can literally feel your life force being sucked out of you, like in that film Lifeforce, only it’s not a hot alien lady vampire kissing you—it’s Jerkwad and the Williamsburgers doing anything but getting their asses onstage. This isn’t a problem if the club actually stage-manages. Mercury Lounge is a good example: The set times listed on its website are reliably 30 minutes before a band is really going to play, and in general, they’re up there promptly. In other words, the club respects you enough not to waste your time. What’s hotter than that?

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