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CRIME Disobeying traffic lawsIn case you missed that day in kindergarten: Green means go, red means stop.
VIOLATOR Abu, Sixth Avenue and 48th Street
Deputy John’s eagle eye caught a fellow pedicabbie running a red light, prompting a nonstop chase up Sixth Avenue. When Abu finally pulled over, he told me he didn’t stop because he was in a hurry: “I need to get to Central Park fast, because I need to make money.” Typical New Yorker. Whatever happened to stopping to smell the roses? Or just, you know, stopping so no one gets killed?!?
CRIME Too much bike flair
It’s okay to give your bike a little personality, but must it be the personality of Punky Brewster?
VIOLATOR Peter, Sixth Avenue and 40th Street
A 62-year-old man riding a 12-year-old girl’s bike is creepy. Peter here found a child’s pink-and-purple bike, painted it sky blue and duct-taped a green, glittery shamrock to the basket. “I’m half Irish, so I thought it would be a nice touch.” And your other half is—lemme guess—a Japanese schoolgirl?
CRIME Locking your bike up to inappropriate things
Get your dirty-ass bike off our trees (and signposts, apartment gates, etc.).
VIOLATOR
Deputy John and I reprimanded messenger Angel after catching him locking his Garbage Pail–decoupaged bike (Ack! Double violation!) to a streetlamp. “It’s the city’s fault,” he whined. “There are never enough bike racks, and this is supposed to be a bike-friendly city!” Though Angel had made a good point, that wasn’t going to stop me from frisking him for an inappropriately long time.
CRIME Riding against traffic
Unless you’re Nick Nolte after a few appletinis, you have no reason to be going the wrong way.
VIOLATOR Pablo, 34th Street and 7th Avenue
“I always go the wrong direction, so I can see what’s coming,” said the perp after I pulled him over for riding against traffic—and damn near getting run over in the process. “So are you gonna give me a striptease now?” Why, I never! I’m not that kind of cop, Pablo—at least, not before 10pm.
