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Published at 5:19pm
Published at 2:54pm
Video
For as long as I can remember, my most potent fantasies have been dark. Thoughts of being taken by force have kept me in masturbatory nirvana for years. When I want to come, even with a gentle lover, I imagine his hand covering my mouth as he forces his erection inside of me. This sends me over the edge.
Being sexually adventurous, I had asked a lover or two if they’d consider raping me. They demurred. Rape—even consensual rape—remains a huge taboo. Before I started dating Victor, we spent hours discussing our fantasies and found them remarkably similar. While our sexual encounters always featured rough sex, rape—our ultimate fantasy—was something we put on the back burner until we truly trusted one another.
One evening, knowing I had the house to myself, Victor called. “Leave the door unlocked,” he said. I didn’t take him seriously until I heard his knock. When he flung open the door he grabbed my hair, pulling me toward him.
“I told you to leave the door unlocked, didn’t I, bitch?” he said, punctuating the question with a stinging slap to my face. Relentlessly, he dragged me into the den, pushed me to my knees and forced his rock-hard erection down my throat. When I came up for air, I was crying. We’d done all this before, but this was different. Without the sporadic laughter and smiles, no matter how rough our scenes were, it felt eerily authentic.
I was dazed as his hands grabbed the front of my sweater and ripped it down the middle. My pants were next. My clothes in tatters, I struggled as he bent me over the arm of the sofa. Reaching into his pocket, he unfolded a small, sharp knife and held it to my throat, bringing a rapid end to my resistance. I knew he wouldn’t really hurt me, but I was frightened enough that my tears had turned to wrenching sobs by the time he forced his cock between my legs. Each stroke became more violent as he continued driving into me. I remember thinking how awful and terrifying this would be had it been real, a true crime of rage and violence, and not something that had been agreed to.
After he came, I collapsed on the floor. He grabbed me and dragged me to my bedroom. He threw me on the bed, laid me over his lap, working his fist inside me. I was scared, but I had never been wetter. When I screamed and resisted, he covered my mouth with his hand. As I felt his fingers begin to cover my nose, panic set in. I couldn’t breathe. Finally, his hand still over my mouth, I mumbled my safe word.
He stopped immediately, holding me to his chest, letting me cry until I could speak again. When I was calm, he asked me what had happened. Smiling softly, he told me that I had been breathing; he could feel my inhalations and exhalations on his hand. He kissed me, and got up to make us soothing cups of tea as we continued to talk.
It took me a long time to feel like myself again. Weeks passed during which I felt off and edgy. Even now, months later, a combination of fear and excitement overwhelms me as I think about that night. Though I had used my safe word—something I had never done before—we both agreed that it would be safe, and very hot, to try this experience again.
Jamie says:
It takes effort and planning to create the successful illusion of forced sex. Since it would be counterproductive to agree to every permissible action beforehand, establish safe words. They allow the dominant party to improvise without constantly worrying if they’ve gone too far.
*Writer’s name has been changed to protect them from their mother.
what
Sun, Jun 08, at 09:32pm
What the freak is wrong with this woman? She needs to be sent to a psych ward.
children
Sun, May 25, at 09:34pm
It's very sad to me when people condemn hardcore BDSM sexuality (and, truly, this isn't even the beginning of it). When I started telling my friends that I was into this kind of thing earlier this year, the reactions reminded me of the way people used to treat coming-out gays, "GAWD... REAlly? Are you SURE? THERAPY PERHAPS? Well... WHATEVER MAKES YOU HAPPY..."
children
Sun, May 25, at 07:41pm
For what it's worth (to the horrified crowd below), BDSM sexuality, however you frame it, has been the source of the most intimate, vulnerable, trusting, respectful, and loving experiences in my sexual life. Thanks for sharing, Tess... I'm totally envious, and totally wet.
Ashley
Tue, May 20, at 02:55pm
As I too have had this fantasy, I do not think it is actual RAPE that turns me on. I think it is more or less the EXTREEEEM domination factor. I would never want to be raped in the Real world. I think its scary and sick. However, in the safety of my partner I would like it. I have always been turned on about this happening TO ME. It is more a Domination thing than a rape thing too me. I am always a dominate in my relationships, and I think that this lets fantasy lets me release and be submissive
M
Fri, May 02, at 09:19pm
That was absolutely delicous...
Nicole
Tue, Apr 15, at 11:11am
Point blank. It's sick. I was 6 and 10 when I was raped and I definately wasn't fantazing for it to happen...
Call me Master or Sir.
Mon, Apr 14, at 03:20pm
You want to...be raped? Where do you live?
sabrina
Mon, Feb 25, at 08:42am
is it wrong too want to be raped. I mean i asked my boyfriend Tim too do it and he had no probly but it feels wrong but i like it so much...help me!
nutherkilljoy
Thu, Feb 21, at 07:37pm
Your "sexpert" and author just don't get it. This is not a "rape fantasy." Rape has no safe word; The person being raped wants out and can't escape. Fantasies of being ravished or brutal sex where you cede control to another person are *not* fantasies of being raped. We often have parts of ourselves that we have trouble reconciling, so the it is a common and safe fantasy to have someone "force" you to do the thing you don't want to admit you want. A woman who talks about how much a "rape fantasy" turns her on, is already not thinking of rape.
Wanting to cede control to another person is very different than having it ripped brutally from you. I have never met a person claimed to have a "rape" fantasy who when actually thinking about what this really meant continued to call it that. This woman chose to be submissive, but she knew that ultimately retained control. Only if you don't want want the sex is it rape. May your author and "sexpert" never truely know the difference.
jl
Fri, Oct 26, 07, at 4:26pm
Re: "Sex Offended" Jen Leiberman of Queens who writes: "Rape– even fantasizing about rape– isnt cool. It just isnt"
Who died and made you the fantasy police? Fantasies are exactly that and it certainly isn't your place to try to shame people about theirs. I think statements about whose fantasies are appropriate or palatable are offensive.
I think it was brave of her to not only try it but to write about it and the consequences that it had for her.
There is so much ingrained shame about sex and the surprising responses that came from who New Yorkers,who I, obviously incorrectly, consider social peers is evidence of that. Maybe they should move their precious and delicate offspring to Wisconsin where they can have their reading materials pre-censored for them.
I loved the issue and thought it was a great (and excitingly embarrassing) subway read.
Brooklyn, NY
Lo
Mon, Oct 22, 07, at 3:29am
What titillates a particular person often can't be explained by reason or psychology- - rape fetishes being of that ilk. Should the *consensual* (key term, here) bedroom behaviour of adults, be so offensive to others that don't share in said proclivity? Absolutely not. It's meant to be pure, consensual, adult fun- - not meant to be a grander comment on the acceptability of rape or forced interaction, in society. Just because someone is willing to engage in a little mock-rape, doesn't mean they don't feel the absolute horror for women who have experienced the real thing. The two (fantasy, and reality) are wholly, wholly unrelated. People need to stay in their own bedrooms, and not concern themselves with the between-the-sheets antics of others.
Gonzo
Fri, Oct 19, 07, at 1:56pm
Hate to tell all you naysayers, but this is a very popular fantasy. Not only do I enjoy it myself, but I make a good living selling video of scenes similar to this (with less penetration, and with hired, experienced models). There are millions of people of both sexes who have these fantasies. Just because our deepest sexual desires don't match yours doesn't mean it is "disgusting". I dont wan't to have anal sex; if you do does that make you sick? Enjoy what you like and ignore what you don't, and stop trying to tell people like me that our fantasies are forbidden. What I do CONSENTUALLY in my own bedroom is truly none of your business.
btaylor
Mon, Oct 15, 07, at 8:59pm
this is absolutely abonimable. Timeout, you should be ashamed of yourself for allowing this type of reprehensible 'fantasy' to be voiced. This is not safe territory for women.
feminazi
Sat, Oct 13, 07, at 7:55am
Just another example of how the media uses rape stories to tittilate. DISGUSTING!!!
duck duck
Sun, Oct 07, 07, at 8:31am
hey I want a girl like that. any girl here in chicago into that kind of thing :)
Goose
Fri, Oct 05, 07, at 4:30pm
Wow. Amazing stuff there, Tess!
